"it" just moved
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
