You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My balls are so social today.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
