how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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