Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
