We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
