Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
