awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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