i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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