I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
