U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
