hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
