i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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