i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
