Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
