if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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