I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
another moral hangover. fuck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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