matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is the high leading the old right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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