Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
