Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
