We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
