i already hear my dad disowning me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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