I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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