I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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