I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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