redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
