She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
