You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
