arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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