had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
