you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
