I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
