just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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