I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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