woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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