Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
