already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
