Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
