If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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