dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
