I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
