The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
