i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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