So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
