wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
