No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
