She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
