dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
