You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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