why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
