still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
